Juice smoothies

So I know you are all tired from standing in line until midnight so you could get a DVD copy of my "War of the Worlds," which was released today. Thank you for being here, as expected. To those of you who were injured in the frenzy and didn't get a copy, call my pub and she'll send you out a coupon or something. Some things I'd like you to note about the DVD, however: I told Steven Spielberg NOT to include spanish and french subtitles, so don't blame me for that. I fought vigorously against them. Also, I asked that the two-disc collectors edition include some nudie shots of me, but that was also deemed a no go. So beware if you shell out the $40 for that piece of crap, it's not worth it. And lastly, my co-star Dakota Fanning was really, REALLY hot for me. But she just doesn't have that youthful glow that my Katie does. Sorry, babe. But points to you for trying.

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Hi No Fan, contact my publicist and she'll tell you whom it is you're supposed to contact. Please try not to bother me with too many questions. I know it's hard.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/11/jamba-juice-holiday-smoothies.html

Oprah - silly ho

I suppose by now you've seen how that whore Oprah is denying the true love between me and Emilio ... I mean Katie. Oprah is just mad that I wouldn't give it to her because she is SO FAT! She's a BLIMP! She couldn't jump and down on a couch, because it'd BREAK to smithereens! She should just give it up and stay home, just like my sweet child katie is. She should stay home and push out a baby and cook! I bet she can't cook! I bet she just sits around and eats LARD! HA!

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/11/black-cherry-vanilla-coke.html

On family.

I'm sure you are all aghast that I've replaced my sister as my PR agent. But before anybody gets ill or tries to off themeless, I'd like to offer some comfort. I've determined that Lee Anne has stretched her mental capacity to the limit and is on the verge of some serious craziness. To save her, I've made the momentous decision to limit her work to my very generous charity contributions. Together, we will single-handedly save New Orleans, which I hear will soon be struck by a devastating hurricane. We will do this until I become bored beyond belief. Thank you for understanding. If any of you need further relief, I suggest you contact your local L. Ron Cruise foundation.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/11/starbucks-cream-liqueur.html

Pumpkin.

Sometimes Katie and I play, "What's hiding in the pumpkin patch," a little game we invented wherein I hide a small candy corn somewhere on my body and she has to find it with her tongue. I have a penchant for sticking it in the oddest places.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/10/pumpkin-limited-editions.html

Children.

i didn't know nordstrom used child slave labor to make their espresso. what an ingenious idea!

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/11/nordstrom-ebar-bistro-n.html