Good tidings from me; lucky you

Merry Christmas from Tom Cruise. May you and yours be happy and bright and full of tinsel. Drink, be merry and EAT LIKE A MAN!

Ho-HO!

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/12/juice-it-up.html

Honeymoon bliss.

Hello from an island. I'd like to thank all of you who made the weekend's ceremony so special, especially the townsfolk of Lake Bracco ... Luca Brasi. The citizens were quite nice and respected our privacy, with the unfortunate exception of some guy named Don who kept wanting me to kiss his ring. We appreciate your not turning our small ceremony into a public spectacle. In the language of your fair country, Merci.

To my guests, my deepest appreciation for your attendance and behavior. I do have some issues with Mr. Armani drunkenly yelling "stop, stop" during the wedding. I'm sure you thought it was funny, but we didn't take it as a joke. Perhaps you should lay of the grappa. And, Victoria Beckingham, you can't keep the towels, they belong to the castle.

Also, I need to let it be known that any trash beyond the outside barricades does not belong to us, and we expect to get our full deposit back.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/11/kit-kat-mint-dark-choc-ltd-edition.html

My wedding day.

HEY, Jet parking is FULL at Fiumicino. Please re-route smaller planes to Ciampino. Those with larger craft will have to land at Pescara or maybe even Palermo, but we will have choppers standing by to ferry you to the lake. Yachts may still berth in the usual places and we will have limos available. Please remember to observe the no-fly zone over France. And thanks to you who jet-pooled to save on fuel.

---------

Do NOT park in the driveway, people. Jesus christ.

---------

Some of you stupidly didn't bring satellite phones and we're having a hard time contacting you with the schedule (attn: WILL SMITH). Dinner is in an hour, so get ready. Afterward there's drinks, some entertainment and then the limbo contest. LIMBO! Woo-HAH! Get ready to GET DOWN.

I've also been told there's a little girl wandering around on the front lawn and crying. Her name appears to be kate ... katie ... something.



http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/11/starbucks-grandmas-turkey-sandwich.html

I hate geneva.

OK, look, WHINERS, an Italian castle holds only so many people, and I have to make room for entertainers, the chocolate fountain and kate's family. So I can't invite everybody. I've managed to get some of you a view from the castle next door, but that's it. Enough is enough.

------

Again, there's not room. Besides, you'd have to have an instantly recognizable name.


http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/11/pepp-farm-peppy-crunch-geneva.html

Pre-wedding musings

Quick thoughts while I'm making final preps for the wedding this Saturday. The vows are mostly done with a few small changes to keep Kate on her toes and an outline of her expected duties. The next three days will be dedicated to planning my entrance. I'm not quite sure whether I should dangle in gracefully from a helicopter or make the more dramatic statement of flying in on a zip line.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/11/lucerne-limited-edition-yogurts.html

Whiners.

Too many of you have been complaining about the slow news week. Has it been slow? NO WAY. Just to recap for the whiners:

* I turned down an offer to become Secretary of War to run United Artists. I believe in showing the American Way of Life through film and not with a silly war in Iran.

* I'm working on a list of castles in which to hold my wedding. I'd like a warm, comfy castle, and am finding many Italian castles to be a bit drafty.

* I finally found a good steak. You know how hard it is to find one at a reasonable price.

There was a little bit of stink about getting enough TV airtime this week, I know. Without my say-so, most networks were running a series of infomercials for a product called "elections." But I've worked that out with the Hollywood Liberals, and have been assured that more important news will now be a priority.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/11/flavored-mms.html

Wedding update

Yes, I know I've been out of touch for awhile, and I'm sure you've missed me during the many, many postings on this website. But, to your good fortune, I'm back - and with good news.

Kate has finally dropped enough pounds to look good at my wedding, so I've set a date. I still expect her to ditch another 10 before November 18, however. But things look good and I've gone ahead and approved a series of outfits for her to wear at the event.

I'm opting for a small event that will take over only a small town in the north of Italy. Therefore, I can only invite my closest friends and a few relatives, and none of you fit into this category. Sorry.

However, we will gracefully accept your best wishes and wedding gifts. I'm registered in several countries, or you may make a donation to the Tom Cruise Charity and Venture Capital Slush Fund via certified check.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/10/luna-sunrise-nutrition-bar.html

Spiking a pumpkin

I like to spike pumpkins as often as possible, if you know what I mean. I love fall. There's watermelons in the summer, but they're kind of messy -- nothing like a good firm pumpkin.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/10/jacks-pumpkin-spice-ale.html

Shut up.

Shhhh. Hey, SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP!

I'll make this brief, because some people have said it's hard to read my long postings. And, I admit, they ARE pretty complex. But you people are the ones begging for information.

Anyway, SHUT THE HELL UP!

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/03/nestle-stixx.html

Doing you a favor.

I am in a good mood today, so for the next five minutes I will take your questions.

-----

I'm sorry, but the question and answer period is over. Please be more prompt next time. If there is a next time.


http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/09/fusion-cafe.html