Money!

According to my notes, you've seen that I've been once-again named the top money making STAR for the year. Though I accept all your adulation, the announcement should come as no surprise; this is the seventh time I've done this. It comes naturally to me. I mean, I can do it with one lousy movie a year, and last year it was the great great epic War of the Worlds, certainly one of the best of all time. HOWEVER, this does not mean you can stop sending checks.

A more important issue, obviously, is my nomination for a Razzie. I've received NO congratulatory notes for this prestigious nom. You people have sorely disappointed me, and if you're not careful I'll withhold my acting brilliance and leave you begging for entertainment this year. Don't think I won't do it. I can leave you lifeless. DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. ME. I will easily beat out the likes of Will Ferrell, Jamie Kennedy, "The Rock" and Rob Schneider. I mean this is a joke. Why were these losers even nominated? What a fucking joke. I'll easily beat them all and then prove my greatness by not even bothering to appear at the awards show -- or even call in via satellite -- to get the statue and the big fat check.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/01/dannon-activia-yogurt.html