Wednesday, February 08, 2006

On milkshakes

A few notes before I leave for Australia. As most of you know I'm flying there to attend a funeral for Kerry Packer's funeral. I bestowed upon him the Scientologific light and he's very very rich. So don't get your hopes up that I'll be attending YOUR funeral just because you've converted ... but it's tantalizingly remotely possible.

Katie will be coming with. Don't believe the nonsense you hear about it being dangerous for her to fly this late into her pregnancy. Doctors often don't know a thing about medicine. I believe the combination of cabin pressure on a trans-Atlantic flight and variations in the specific gravity of the Earth running along Australian fault lines will finely attune the path of electrons in Tom Jr's ... I mean my baby's brain.

Also, a note on diversity. I've given Kanye West the privilege of recording the theme for M:I III. He's got a good look. You know, black, but not TOO black. And I hear he can sing. I attended a performance of his the other night, and while I couldn't tell exactly which performer he was, I was quoted in this article to good effect. This quote, however, was taken slightly out of context:

"Damn," said a very impressed Cruise, who was standing on a balcony above the stage surrounded by people such as Stephen Baldwin. "I remember when they used to just do drum solos."

I was speaking of Africans in general.

And lastly, this woman is stalking me. I have no idea who she is, but nothing she does relates to ANYTHING I'm involved in. I urge you to boycott anything she happens to be doing.

- Ta.

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Paris, I urge you to be more tolerant of lazy minorities. Scientology teaches us that all men are capable, even if those capabilities are unrealized. My suggestion would be to find an Asian to plan the party for me. They seem to be farther along in the process.



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