The churn.

I'm sorry, but Kate and I are holding a garage sale and we don't have the time to attend your little ceremony. However, we have sent you a gift so you won't feel too bad. It's used, but we already have a hard-bound deluxe copy and figured why put this one in the sale.

Also to you naysayers out there, here is PROOF that I've never been married before. I don't know this woman, and I never have.

On to the sale. We're clearing out some things in preparation for the move to the new house. Or Kate is, anyway. I like my current house quite a bit, but Kate and Suri will love the new place, which is lovely with no neighbors for miles in any direction, no roads leading to the place and complete, peaceful isolation, especially during beautiful long gray winter months. But she'll keep busy.

We're ditching some old home videos that I made in the basement. I think the quality is quite good however. Also, clothing, brick-a-brack and this and that. Come one, come all. It's not cheap, but I don't want the crap anymore.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/06/dreyers-slow-churned-more-flavors.html

Tootsie Rolls.

As I've told you over and over again, a fool and his money are soon parted. So I don't know why you people keep "expressing concern" about my prenup.

Here's the deal: I'm giving Kate a small allowance every year to buy formula, baby clothes, etc. for Surimi. It's not much, really, but more than she was making at her low-wage, part-time job previously. Some of you are saying, "But she's taking a big chunk of change, Tom." Please. Where's she gonna go? She's basically unemployable now. And happy.

As you've no doubt heard, I've also extended congratulations to my good friends Bret and Angelina Jolie on the birth of their child. While I chided them for not being able to have a black child, I do approve of their mission to Africa to try and put things right. In the spirit of forgiveness, I have invited them to join my other children in their Scientologic studies, where Silo can receive training to correct her deficiencies. And I have reduced tuition to a paltry $4.1 million.


http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/06/tootsie-roll-mini-chews.html

M:I:III update

Some updates before I head off to Japan, where M:I:III will slay the nips, and where I'm rightfully considered a giant among men. Sorry you can't afford to be there, but be sure to catch the newsreels, because I'll be showing what makes me cinema's #1 action star.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling particularly American this week. The old testosterone is at an all-time high with my genes being replicated recently, an action-packed thriller and now we have this NASCAR deal going on. Yeah, man, fast cars. I know my way around cars. Screw the towel-heads and the oil shortage. HA! Seriously folks, we believe there's enlightenment to be found in grinding gears and burning rubber. An we have some exciting L. Ron gear shift heads and LED accessories that'll be available for you to purchase real soon, ya hear?

Meanwhile, I'm getting the woman in shape. I don't know what happened, but I go away for a little while and she gets all dumpy and "depressed." That's ok, I have a program and she'll be fine for the wedding. If she wants to get married and have a house on a hill that is.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/06/laloos-goats-milk-ice-cream.html