Wedding update

Yes, I know I've been out of touch for awhile, and I'm sure you've missed me during the many, many postings on this website. But, to your good fortune, I'm back - and with good news.

Kate has finally dropped enough pounds to look good at my wedding, so I've set a date. I still expect her to ditch another 10 before November 18, however. But things look good and I've gone ahead and approved a series of outfits for her to wear at the event.

I'm opting for a small event that will take over only a small town in the north of Italy. Therefore, I can only invite my closest friends and a few relatives, and none of you fit into this category. Sorry.

However, we will gracefully accept your best wishes and wedding gifts. I'm registered in several countries, or you may make a donation to the Tom Cruise Charity and Venture Capital Slush Fund via certified check.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/10/luna-sunrise-nutrition-bar.html

Spiking a pumpkin

I like to spike pumpkins as often as possible, if you know what I mean. I love fall. There's watermelons in the summer, but they're kind of messy -- nothing like a good firm pumpkin.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2005/10/jacks-pumpkin-spice-ale.html

Shut up.

Shhhh. Hey, SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP!

I'll make this brief, because some people have said it's hard to read my long postings. And, I admit, they ARE pretty complex. But you people are the ones begging for information.

Anyway, SHUT THE HELL UP!

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/03/nestle-stixx.html

Doing you a favor.

I am in a good mood today, so for the next five minutes I will take your questions.

-----

I'm sorry, but the question and answer period is over. Please be more prompt next time. If there is a next time.


http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/09/fusion-cafe.html

Katies

So, she's out now. Isn't she cute? And, yeah, I banged the hell out of Katie Couric back when she was almost-presentable. I've always felt pity for her. I don't know why.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/09/mint-choc-chip-pop-tart.html

It's about the film

As you know, I've had a long association with ultra-creative, ultra-radical independent films. (I think Risky Business was a fine example of teen angst.)

Now, I've decided to take the lead in the indie biz, and take it to where it needs to be: multibillion corporate box-office smashes.

Unlike those of you who need to have garage sales, I'm flush with venture capital and primed to make a grainy B&W film with MTV-style quick cuts and a nonsensical plot.

See you at Sundance.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/08/nyce-buffet.html

Redstone? Fool.

Let me be the first to tell you, before it hits every newspaper, TV and radio station in the country, that I have decided to end my relationship with Paramount and the quite embarrassing Sumner Redstone. I can excuse the man's disturbing likeness to Norman Fell and the fact that he barely cracks the Forbe's top 100 list of richest Americans, but I can't accept the fact that the man has no business sense. I mean, when you look at it, what has this guy ever done? Meanwhile, I've made myself into one of the most important Americans of all time. When history is finally written (correctly), you'll see my name, TOM CRUISE, at the top of the list.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/08/olive-oils-pizzeria-richardson.html

On oats.

You are wondering what I was doing in Salt Lake City over the weekend, other than saving unfortunate civilians.

Well, I bring you great news. It turns out that SLC is full of Marmots. And these beings have a lot in common with Scientologists.

1. We both believe in a book made up by someone other than a jew.

2. We both believe in the restorative powers of LSD (though marmots refer to it as LDS).

3. We both have multiple wives.

4. We both typically hibernate in the winter.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/08/quaker-steel-cut-oats.html

Discipline.

I have been practicing the no-blame, cause-cause teachings of L. Ron Hubbard for many years. And I can say I've had great success with the technique in my marriages.

For instance, when Kate does something mildly silly -- like saying, "No I don't want to have a baby," or "I don't think six months in a sensory deprivation chamber will be good for me" -- I go along with it.

EVERYTHING WORKS OUT IN THE END.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/08/ben-jerrys-milkshakes.html

Tuna.

Now, you know I don't have much interest in religion and tend to keep my opinions to myself, but I can't keep quiet about this yutz, Mel Gibson. He's exactly why I can't stand the goddamned christians. Always going off on the jews. It's because of jesus-loving freaks like him that we have conflict in this world. I'd love to stick my hand right up in his salad bowl and toss him on his head.

http://tgubbins.blogspot.com/2006/07/yellowfin-tuna-florentine.html